It’s going to be the last day of 2009. Initially had a plan at Sunway Lagoon with my sister. After a conflicting moment between having a wild time at the theme park with free tickets and watching one of the must-watch-movie of the year, Avatar with our own money, we chose the latter. We both agree that we have grown old and would rather spend our time on activities that do not require much energy consumption. Overall, it is great (My mind did not wander during the three-hour epic) and much cooler than the Transformer. A rather thought provoking film that highlights the importance of achieving a balance between development and the environment. I wonder there will be improvement in nature protection after numerous Hollywood products on "How The Earth Is Going To End" have been made.
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It has just entered the last day of 2009. People are usually “unusually sentimental” this time. Many of us will make New Year resolutions for ourselves despite whether we will bring them into practice or otherwise. As a normal citizen on this planet, I’m also making a list.
1. Stop complaining (it might be impossible so "less complaining")
2. Study harder (remember the PTPTN loan)
3. Curb caffeine addiction (this will really test my determination)
4. Think of answers that can shut people’s mouths up when they ask “Can you read my mind?” or “Can you communicate with chairs, cars or other non-living things?” (studying psychology does not make one become telepathic or psychotic, ok?!!!)
5. Embrace whatever that may come.
Adiós 2009.
December 31, 2009
December 11, 2009
Can you read me?
I study Communication Theory this semester. There are numerous theories on human from the perspectives of communication, relationships, cultures and so on. Nevertheless, I found dialectical theory the most interesting among all theories.
Dialectical theory asserts that in any relationship, there are inherent tensions between contradictory impulses or dialectics (Baxter, 1987). Dialectics refer to two opposing tensions such as privacy and intimacy. For instance, an individual wants personal space and freedom but at the same time seeks for closeness and affection with others.
Sounds familiar and paradoxical? We all must have been through this conflicting moment as dialectics are natural, normal and inevitable in human relationships. One of the obvious live examples that can be explained with the theory is intimate relationship. Usually, a couple will tend to be close to each other at the beginning of a relationship. They may wish that they can spend all their times together (which I totally don’t understand) and never be apart from one another.
However, there is one thing that comes to interrupt the process – change. According to Dindia and Canary (1993), change is the ongoing character of personal relationships. That means, people can and will change. Perhaps (and usually), the male begins to be cold and avoid intimacy. Then, the female becomes anxious and seeks for more intimacy but the male may be stressed out and eventually distant himself more and consequently causes the female to pursue more intimacy… This is the so called pursuer-distancer relationship (that I think is more like Roadrunner-Coyote relationship in the Looney Tunes) in which both parties are trapped in a strange loop that is inescapable if the issue is not communicated and solved.
So, how to solve the problem? Well, I would have written a bestseller called "Roadrunners are from Mars and Coyotes are from Venus" if I knew. Of course, there is a solution and that is balance. We need balance in everything we do such as meals, works, games and relationships. We can neither eat too little nor too much. We must work and play to balance our pathetic lives. We shall not be too dependent or independent of others.
Another theory that fascinates me is the social exchange theory (though it is severely criticized by scholars that it is untestable, unpractical, inheuristic and inappropriate for human). This theory claims that people seek to maximize rewards and minimize costs in relationships (Homans, 1954, 1961). This means that we compare relationships by measuring what we can get from different relationships. If a person feels he/she has been underbenefitted ie. costs exceed rewards in a particular relationship , he/she will be unsatisfied and might eventually terminate the relationship and to involve in a more benefitting ie. rewards exceed costs relationship .
Sounds economic and insane? There might be relationships like this. This reminds me of the character, Mak Tai Song in a Hong Kong drama which I was hooked on to – You’re Hired. He is an extremely clever guy in doing business (and conning people) but a total freak in personal relationship. He applied economic concepts on every relationship including with the girl he loves. Things of course did not go well as human relationships cannot be compared with economic principles. In the end, he sacrifices his businesslike thinking and wins the heart of his loved one (lame, I know).
Ok, studying communication theories really enhances a person’s understanding of relationships. But whether it helps in sustaining a relationship? That definitely needs more than just theories.
Dialectical theory asserts that in any relationship, there are inherent tensions between contradictory impulses or dialectics (Baxter, 1987). Dialectics refer to two opposing tensions such as privacy and intimacy. For instance, an individual wants personal space and freedom but at the same time seeks for closeness and affection with others.
Sounds familiar and paradoxical? We all must have been through this conflicting moment as dialectics are natural, normal and inevitable in human relationships. One of the obvious live examples that can be explained with the theory is intimate relationship. Usually, a couple will tend to be close to each other at the beginning of a relationship. They may wish that they can spend all their times together (which I totally don’t understand) and never be apart from one another.
However, there is one thing that comes to interrupt the process – change. According to Dindia and Canary (1993), change is the ongoing character of personal relationships. That means, people can and will change. Perhaps (and usually), the male begins to be cold and avoid intimacy. Then, the female becomes anxious and seeks for more intimacy but the male may be stressed out and eventually distant himself more and consequently causes the female to pursue more intimacy… This is the so called pursuer-distancer relationship (that I think is more like Roadrunner-Coyote relationship in the Looney Tunes) in which both parties are trapped in a strange loop that is inescapable if the issue is not communicated and solved.
So, how to solve the problem? Well, I would have written a bestseller called "Roadrunners are from Mars and Coyotes are from Venus" if I knew. Of course, there is a solution and that is balance. We need balance in everything we do such as meals, works, games and relationships. We can neither eat too little nor too much. We must work and play to balance our pathetic lives. We shall not be too dependent or independent of others.
Another theory that fascinates me is the social exchange theory (though it is severely criticized by scholars that it is untestable, unpractical, inheuristic and inappropriate for human). This theory claims that people seek to maximize rewards and minimize costs in relationships (Homans, 1954, 1961). This means that we compare relationships by measuring what we can get from different relationships. If a person feels he/she has been underbenefitted ie. costs exceed rewards in a particular relationship , he/she will be unsatisfied and might eventually terminate the relationship and to involve in a more benefitting ie. rewards exceed costs relationship .
Sounds economic and insane? There might be relationships like this. This reminds me of the character, Mak Tai Song in a Hong Kong drama which I was hooked on to – You’re Hired. He is an extremely clever guy in doing business (and conning people) but a total freak in personal relationship. He applied economic concepts on every relationship including with the girl he loves. Things of course did not go well as human relationships cannot be compared with economic principles. In the end, he sacrifices his businesslike thinking and wins the heart of his loved one (lame, I know).
Ok, studying communication theories really enhances a person’s understanding of relationships. But whether it helps in sustaining a relationship? That definitely needs more than just theories.
December 2, 2009
看开了
放学后搭巴士到轻快铁站时，和往常一样塞足一个小时才抵达。不幸的是，今天旁边坐了一位有狐臭的仁兄，被熏得差点昏了过去。由于国内最近没有A(H1N1)流感死亡病例而被搁在包包里的口罩，再次派上用场，而且防臭功能绝佳。
正昏昏欲睡时，突然被站在旁边的两位上班族的谈话吸引住了。（以下是我记得的重点）
甲男：每天放工后都酱塞，真的很显（累）……
已男：不想搭巴士，买车啦！
甲男：才不要，驾车还不是一样塞？
已男：你住哪里噢？
甲男：旺沙马朱。那边去哪里都很塞的……
已男：你在那住了多久？
甲男：很久了。从读拉曼到现在。
（有趣的是，一位是柔佛人来吉隆坡念书，另一位是吉隆坡人被派到柔佛的政府大学。其中一位还说拉曼学院有很多美女.....我也在那念过书，但整整一个小时的车程内他们望都没望我一眼......唉!）
已男：那般来附近住啦！
甲男：这里（孟沙）是有钱人住的啰……
已男：你做了酱久工，有钱的啦！（甲男做了5年的programmer）
甲男：有才怪，帮人打工罢了。
已男：快点存一笔，自己做老板啦！
甲男：不要啦，我还是打工算了。
已男：那为什么不转工（换工作）？
甲男：可是除了programming，我不懂还会做什么喔？
已男：你不会显（闷）咩？
甲男：当然会显啦！不过我已经看开了……
当我听到“看开了”这三个字，真的有点忍不住想问那位仁兄：“大佬，你才几岁哦，酱快看开了？”最后当然是没问啦……因为，我何尝也不是“看开了”？说真的，我和甲男还蛮像的，都是经常发一大堆牢骚，却不采取实际行动来改善现况。嘴里说“看开了”，其实是自我放弃。这就是心理学里所谓的习得无助 (learned helplessness)，即在多次受到挫折以后表现出来的绝望和放弃的态度。
想不到当局者迷，旁观者清这一句话真的是有道理的啊！相信我们身边应该有类似甲男的人，过着类似的生活，说着这类似的话。也许有天，当你听到某人说“看开了”的时候，不妨问他：“你真的看开了吗？”
正昏昏欲睡时，突然被站在旁边的两位上班族的谈话吸引住了。（以下是我记得的重点）
甲男：每天放工后都酱塞，真的很显（累）……
已男：不想搭巴士，买车啦！
甲男：才不要，驾车还不是一样塞？
已男：你住哪里噢？
甲男：旺沙马朱。那边去哪里都很塞的……
已男：你在那住了多久？
甲男：很久了。从读拉曼到现在。
（有趣的是，一位是柔佛人来吉隆坡念书，另一位是吉隆坡人被派到柔佛的政府大学。其中一位还说拉曼学院有很多美女.....我也在那念过书，但整整一个小时的车程内他们望都没望我一眼......唉!）
已男：那般来附近住啦！
甲男：这里（孟沙）是有钱人住的啰……
已男：你做了酱久工，有钱的啦！（甲男做了5年的programmer）
甲男：有才怪，帮人打工罢了。
已男：快点存一笔，自己做老板啦！
甲男：不要啦，我还是打工算了。
已男：那为什么不转工（换工作）？
甲男：可是除了programming，我不懂还会做什么喔？
已男：你不会显（闷）咩？
甲男：当然会显啦！不过我已经看开了……
当我听到“看开了”这三个字，真的有点忍不住想问那位仁兄：“大佬，你才几岁哦，酱快看开了？”最后当然是没问啦……因为，我何尝也不是“看开了”？说真的，我和甲男还蛮像的，都是经常发一大堆牢骚，却不采取实际行动来改善现况。嘴里说“看开了”，其实是自我放弃。这就是心理学里所谓的习得无助 (learned helplessness)，即在多次受到挫折以后表现出来的绝望和放弃的态度。
想不到当局者迷，旁观者清这一句话真的是有道理的啊！相信我们身边应该有类似甲男的人，过着类似的生活，说着这类似的话。也许有天，当你听到某人说“看开了”的时候，不妨问他：“你真的看开了吗？”
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